wakeupcall.

whoa.

does it ever just knock you over your head and onto your knees?

do you ever just feel every weight of the world lose it's significance in light of the one and only we are meant to pursue?

it's just mind-boggling.

that i've been so dense.

that i've been wanting things that i KNOW won't bring true satisfaction.

as i was walking across the quad tonight after my run, that ONE song came on. the one song i just needed to hear in solitude. waves of nostalgia and a thought such as "what the HECK have i been doing?!" bounced from side to side in my brain. 

i've completely forgotten. well, not completely. but i've forgotten how to connect. how to pursue. i've forgotten the meaning of right priorities. 

forgotten that everything good in me comes directly FROM the spirit. 

that God doesn't love me because of the good things i've done, but He makes ME good out of His undying, incomprehensible, undeserved love for me.

i've forgotten what the phrase 'stand in awe' really means.

to stand in awe before the one who stood before creation.

the one who stood before my failure and carried the cross for my shame.

HE took MY sin upon HIS shoulders. there was no other way.

He deserves my whole heart. my entire focus. i LIVE for His existence. none of this stuff is about me. none of it.

'so I'll stand

with arms high and heart abandoned

in awe of the one who gave it all

i'll stand,

my soul Lord to You surrendered

all i am is Yours.. "

that I may gaze upon Your face, oh Lord. oh, to know this man.

shoot. talk about a wake up call.

fevah fevah

i have a fever.

it's no fun.

i took a three hour nap today and i'm still tired. humm.

i realized today that i have a number of ambitions.

1. to acquire a new moleskin journal and a ballpoint pen

2. to actually carve out time to utilize those things

3. to visit some sweet coffeeshops/bookstores in the course of the next couple weeks

4. to somehow acquire an australian accent (thank you brooke fraser)

5. to learn all the pentatonic scales necessary to even brush the shores of being somewhat like john mayer

6. to be okay with not being okay

7. to actually become accustomed to getting my things done

8. to write more. in my journal. on my guitar. in the form of music, notes, and songs.

which might all very well seem to be the same thing. but in my mind, there lie significant differences.

i want to change the world, or maybe a tiny part of it, with the music god channels through me.

i want to change the way i perceive people. i don't want to judge them in the way i always have. i don't want to feel judged when i put my thoughts out on the line.

i stopped and wondered today,

what would the world be like, if everyone acted in the way God intended them to?

would it be robotic? or would love overcome all?

what is the purpose of pain and doubt?

i like to wonder.

missing out

i don't want to miss out on the gift God has to offer now. true, we will be with Him FOREVER in heaven. but i can't treat this relationship like an off-distance mirage for eighty years. i HAVE to learn to connect now, to worship NOW...because there is something special about connecting with the Father in a way we can't experience after death. He is here, now, waiting, and has SO much to offer. i don't want to miss out on the adrenaline rush of running after the invisible God, pursuing truth and faith in a world chock full of a culture telling me to do otherwise. there's something special about connecting with Him now, letting him show me the things He's had in store for me since the day I was born. He has plans for me now, and i just can't miss out. the time for pursuit is now.

oh..and, i'm in college! it's pretty cool i haven't posted on this sucker in almost a year. aw yeuh. 

phat beatz.

im excited because:

i now am the owner of an african djembe

im leading worship this sunday with an amazing group of people

...and i'm wearing cotton leggings.

yep.

im excited.

today

ended up being a very good day.

bingo.

hot tortillas.

and a good movie with a good friend.

god is good.

even when i forget so easily.

sometimes i can be the biggest idiot.

but..

god is good.

christmas has ceased

well,

its over.

christmas will officially be past tense in 22 minutes.

it was a good day..in which i got to do a number of things.

which is ironic, considering i didnt leave the house once.

i got to..

1. take a long nap, which was very enjoyable

2. eat ALOT of good food, mostly after 5:30 p.m. ha (so much for watching the weight)

3. watch a magnificent movie ('arry potta and the order of the phoenix..GO GRYFFINDOR.)

4. get into a good book (something i haven't been able to get myself to do in awhile..)

5. sit by the warm FIRE.

6. play with pippin, my sister's adorable puppy. a feisty little creature, she is.

7. play guitar and piano for extensive amounts of time

8. watch golf with my pops. (you learn to like it)

9. manage to do all of this wearing scrub bottoms and a beowulf t-shirt.

and...10. well, i just thought i'd even things out by adding a tenth statement to the list. but the truth is, i really cant think of anything else to add. except maybe drinking half a gallon of milk throughout the day. three cheers for strong bones and teeth. no osteoporosis for me, oh no. i'll be pissed if that's the disease i end up dying from. i have milk every freakin' day. EVERY DAY. ha. i should be on a got milk ad. just spray me with mist to give me the appearance of a nice sweaty body, paint me a milk mustache with oil pastel or whatever they use these days, and dress me in all nike apparel, and i'd be fit for the role. and now that i've gone completely off subject, i should probably get some sleep. fifteen minutes until december 26th, and then we'll be on the road again to a brand new year. crazy how time flies.

i need to brush my teeth.

farewell, cyber community with nothing better to do but read my pathetic spurts of random thoughts, farewell.

virgin blogger

so. this is...my first blog. on blogspot.com, at least. its rather intriguing, really. yesterday was christmas eve, and now its christmas morning. it doesnt feel like christmas...at ALL. its very odd, and i dont like it. joe brooks is playing in the background of this hazy morning, and there's no snow outside. boo. i read the message for awhile after i woke up, and i'm hoping to carry what i've read throughout the day with me..(unlike yesterday's outcome)...

to live in the freedom of God is what I desire.

"Offer yourselves to sin, for instance, and its your LAST free act. But offer yourselves to the ways of God and the freedom NEVER quits. All your lives you've let sin tell you what to do. but THANK GOD you've started listening to a new master, one whose commands set you free to live openly in HIS freedom!

...But now that you've found you don't have to listen to sin tell you what to do, and have discovered the delight of listening to God telling you, what a surprise! A whole, healed, put together life right now, with more and more of life on the way! Work hard for sin your whole life and your pension is DEATH. But God's gift is REAL life, eternal life, delivered by Jesus, our Master."

...whew.

that's quite a lot right there to let sink in.

FREEDOM is available. 

the question is, can i get over my mountain of pride to receive it? 

i have to, i have no choice.

Lord, I pray for your strength, a softened heart, and a heavenly mindset today.